Living with Diabetes (or as I call it, “My Dark Monster”) is a daily and formidable battle.

My Dark Monster is like the little devil that sits on your shoulder and tells you what you want to hear.  It encourages you constantly . . . to do the WRONG thing.

Some days I win, some days Monster wins.  And any day with considerable time in the car means an uphill battle to retain control.

This past Saturday was no exception.  Due to an out of town wedding, I spent over 8 hours in the car in travel time.  When in a situation like this, we can somewhat be at the mercy of the foods of convenience.  I had a couple egg cups in the morning before departure and I can honestly say that was the best thing I ate all day.

The food available at a small, intimate, low-key wedding is not going to be the same as a fully catered sit-down reception.  There were sandwiches and chips to be had and I diligently avoided them all.  However, I did end up with a Baconator from Wendy’s after the wedding (strike one).

As the wedding was in a small town (I mean a REALLY SMALL town), my sons and I tried to grab something between the wedding and the reception that was to take place an hour and a half later in another town.  We ventured into the town and found a small pizzeria.  Small as in 5 total tables.  So, we did what three hungry dudes do . . . we grabbed a pizza (strike two).

The reception was also small and low-key and was snacks and cupcakes.  I did grab two cups of coffee as I still had 3 – 4 hours of driving ahead of me.  But I didn’t partake in the sugary delights.  I was so proud of myself.

I departed with coffee in hand and headed southwest for a three-hour drive to take my son back to university.  We did well and got there around 6:30 pm.  At the time of arrival, my son decided to go grab some dinner with friends in the chow hall rather than have me take him out so he could get a jump on mid-term exam studying.

At that point, I decided to grab a caffeinated, carbonated beverage at a certain fast-food establishment known for their clown.  I was starting to feel the pangs of hunger but I was going to try holding off until I got home (just over an hour) before eating.  As I walked in, the scent of fried, carb-laden food started singing her siren song.  Even then, I was going to just order the buttermilk chicken tenders (a new menu item) and my drink.  After I paid and collected my bag, I realized there were fries in there.  Could I hold out?  Nope . . . (strike three called).  I didn’t even go down swinging!  I just dove in and consumed.

So, driving home, I’m feeling like an abject failure.  But with every cloud there’s a silver lining, right?  This particular silver lining came in the form of almost having to pull over and barf.  After eating this savory mess, I felt HORRIBLE.  Not a guilt laden horrible, although that was an elephant in the car too.  No, this was a physical horrible.  And I was happy!

Now I’m sure you’re probably thinking I’ve lost my mind.  Feeling physically ill and being happy?!?!  Whaaaa???  It’s true.  Because I was learning an important lesson.  I was actively listening to my body and how it reacted to eating something so bad for me.  I am learning to pay attention.  My body felt awful and if I could have finger-stuck myself, it would have reflected.  But I decided against it since utilizing a sharp instrument while driving is probably not the best choice.

I’m also trying to watch my diet for my own weight.  And here’s the funny thing.  After all that poor food consumption on Saturday, I was actually down about a pound on Sunday morning.  Part of reducing my blood sugar is reducing my body weight and getting more exercise.

But My Dark Monster is relentless, as always.  Monday morning when I stepped on the scale, I was back up about 3 pounds from Sunday morning.  My diet was good Sunday.  I ate right, drank a lot of water and, while not exercising, I was not as sedentary as sitting in a car all day long.  There’s just no logic to it.

Today, it is back to good choices with protein, green vegetables and lots of water.  Working diligently to form the good habits.  Knowing how my body feels when I eat the wrong things.  Today he won’t beat me.

But My Dark Monster is always lurking . . . waiting for his opportunity to strike.  The battle continues.